| Rant |
[11 Sep 2006|05:01pm] |
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I hate him. I hate him I hate him so much that I love him. Make any sence? I hate him. I hate the way he makes me feel. I hate being Ignored. I hate being hurt, I hate him. I hate him. I hate him more than anyone else in this world. Oh fuckin' christ. I don't hate him. I just want too.
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| I hate being sick |
[08 Sep 2006|07:23pm] |
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mood |
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 pleased |
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music |
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the t.v |
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I'm sick and it hurts. We finshed the c.d except for last minute fuck arounds. It's awsome I'm really happy with it. I'm tired ::yawns:: I didn't sleep last night so I'm about to go to bed, my tummy hurrrrts.
Kkk enough bitching nighty night kids.
Rocking with change for so long
You might forget your own name
You can lose your way
When I don't know where to go
I could follow the snow
But then I'd only fall down, you see
I've been around my world is 15 days
But I never got out of my hometown
I'm dreaming of plane tickets unlimited
The kind that lift me right off the ground
Oh, you know they don't bring me down
Won't somebody save me
Throw me a line
I'm scratching at the boulder with a toothpick this time
Save me, take me away.
Using a teaspoon to dig out of this grave, you see?
Won't somebody save me
I guess I was using a knife for so long
Just to cut thru this fog
Maybe I just lost sight of my path
When your whole world blows up
And you're just laying low In the aftermath…I'll know.
I've been around my world is 15 days
But I never got out of my hometown
I'm dreaming of plane tickets unlimited
The kind that lift me right off the ground
Oh, you know they don't bring me down
Won't somebody save me
Throw me a line
I'm scratching at the boulder with a toothpick this time
Save me, take me away.
Using a teaspoon to dig out of this grave, you see?
Won't somebody save me
Why don't you throw me a line
Oh Save Me
Won't you throw me a line
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| Yay |
[05 Sep 2006|02:05pm] |
I got my contacts Yay. ::dances:: I'm a little too excited. Lol.
Wow. It's fun. It's a decent change too see myself without the glasses.
Oh snapppp.
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| Bord |
[04 Sep 2006|04:48pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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the t.v |
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BEDROOM SURVEY
NO LYING!!
Do you have the following in your room:
[ ]desk
[x] lamp(s)
[x] cell phone
[x] chair/stool
[x] book shelf
[x] dresser
[] Computer/laptop
[] bean bag
[x] pictures
[x] mirror
[x] skateboard
[x] bed
[x] clothes on the floor
[] paper/plastic flamingo
[] surfboard
[ ] lava lamp
[] smoke detector
[x]piano/keyboard (sometimes theres a keyboard)
[x]locking door
[] can of soda
[x] bottle of water
[x] a blacklight
[] medals/ribbons
[ ] trophies
[ ] awards
[] water polo ball
[] soccer ball
[] volleyball
[] basketball
[] softball stuff
[] track gear
[] frisbee
[] baseball ball
[x] football
[] tennis ball
[] Hockey stuff
[] lacrosse stick
[] gymnastics stuff
[] dance stuff
[] horseback riding stuff
[] swim stuff
[x] cd's
[x] Digital Camera
[x] bottles of liquor (from a long time ago)
[]flag
[] stop sign/any sign
[x] caution tape
[x] paintball gun/balls
[] airsoft gun
[] Real Gun
[] Cigarettes
[x] Candle
[x] Books
[] Nintendo
[]Playstation
[x] Playstation 2
[] Game Cube
[] Xbox
[] bike
[x] Stereo
[x] Lighter
[] Visine
[x] Gum
How many windows do u have in ur room?
2
What is the color of your walls?
purple
Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?
both
Is your room big?
no.
What is your bedroom view out the window(s)?
The side of my neighbors house and the front lawn
NOW REPOST THIS AS " Bedroom Survey"
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| ::sobs:: |
[04 Sep 2006|08:25am] |
Steve Irwin A.K.A the croc hunter died. A sting ray stung him right in the heart. SO Now I'm sad. I grew up on good ol' Steve he made me giggle. So anywhore, Just wanted too inform yall' :[
R.I.P Steve Irwin
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| I haven't slept in like 2 days. |
[31 Aug 2006|07:41pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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Mtv haha |
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Well a full night. ::whines:: It sucks. I've been writing alot lately. My head is fuckin' killing me and I can't wait until monday. Law & Order:SVU marathon all day. Yeshhhhhhhh. Yeah. I love social studies. It's my new fav. class ::smiles:: Oh and I get my contacts on Saturday. I am so excited. Also good news kiddo's I dyed my hair back to black the way it belongs. We worked on the c.d again today and it's really getting tiring. Also I bought a Cowboy hat .... yay, Ok welp I gotta go read this one thing than hit the sack. So peace and love.
- Sara Bear.
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| Day one of highschool. |
[30 Aug 2006|03:24pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Twiztid |
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Not half as bad as i thought, Iiked it kinda. Except swimming class which they're telling me you half too take or you get an F, that's where the girly part of me goes "OMFG MY FUCKIN' HAIR" but the better part of me says.... I'm really really scared of drowing. I'll admit it and water that goes past my waiste I won't go in. I guess I'll have to suck it up though since I need too pass. But I don't have too worry about that for awhile : ] so anywhore guess what my homeroom is? THE GYM hahaha. Now that's pretty rad. It's funny they told me back in middle school "Oh you won't see anybody you know in highschool" I saw alot of people I knew from way back in elm. school and middle school. so yeah kinda weird. But it's a huge school that'll take me some getting used too. But needless to say I like highschool.
But off the school note we started recording today it is alot harder than it seems. It really isn't just going into a room and singing, christ I sang the same line about 30 million times oh and Shadow lost it big time, poor kid. Of course Jeff being the fat fuck he is only was pissed when he found out we couldn't eat/drink in the recording place lol. I was kinda mad about that too. But who cares we finshed 1 and a half songs. : ] So yay. But we got time all week We have 10 songs. So 8 and a half more ::sighs:: but it's pretty exciting. So yeah I'm mad tired cos I didn't get much sleep last night and recording school ect. So I'm going to go relax for a little. So peace out L-Jay
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| ::shudders:: |
[29 Aug 2006|06:23pm] |
Argh, I'm super freaked. ::shudders:: I start school tommarow. Ekkk.
Hmmmm....I should be going to bed right now but fuck it I'll wait. Boo. I hate school. But the plus side is I don't have to take a Evil bus. yay. Well yeah I'm a pussy. Really now who's afraid of highschool....? Probably only me. Icky.
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| icky |
[28 Aug 2006|06:35pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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Slipknot |
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Well school starts Wednesday. Poooooooh. I don't have to take the bus though : ] Which is pretty fuckin' sweet. I got cloths today....and I got a paper cut....trying on a pair of pants...wtf. Yeah so it was cool. My teeth hurt. Hmmm.... did I already mention I hate August. Everything bad happens in August. GARGLEMESH! Anyway. I've got writers block, and I'm one lonely kid. And I'm tired. I'm bord. And when i say bord I mean bord with my life, "job" , friends everything. Part of me loves making music the other part of me says fuck it get a real job. ::sighs:: I guess after this c.d I'm done. I put on job apps. for alot of places.
Cool thing is we did a show in L-town for some kids birthday he's turning 18. Cool kid. I didn't even know we had fans here. We have a few in New Jersey and a few in Pittsburgh. I had no clue people round' here listened to our stuff. But it was fun we signed some shit for em and played a decent show. I got too stand on a coffee table O.o it wasn't fun getting there Shadow had no clue where we were going. We got lost on appletree pr whatever and things got fucked from there : [ than we called and got better directions hahaha. It was fun being lost though, well kinda. So yeah. Poooh, Welp I gotta go fix my bookbag for school.
Oh and don't expect an update tommarow I'll be lying in bed crying.... yeah.
Peace love & chicken grease.
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| and what if i dont look at you...it still wont go away... |
[25 Aug 2006|08:51pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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The t.v |
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So as normal I let my impulse get the best of me. I made the HORRIBLE mistake of dyeing my hair red. I mean it's ok but I shouldn't have done it. It was too much trouble too bleach it and ect. It wasn't worth it. The birds keep kissing and singing.... I never thought I'd be jealous of my moms birds. The kissing part not the singing....I sing for a living : ] Geeeeez oh man I haven't kissed a boy on lips for like a year. ::scratches head:: Well I'm starting school in 4 days. Everythings been so insane lately with writing making the c.d starting school family friends ect.
Speaking of the c.d we start recording soon. No going back. We signed the contract with Jon and now we're ready to begain. Who knows where this will take us but hopefully not far. Don't get me wrong I LOVE playing shows writng music and being able to get out some feelings. Not too mention I love my bandmates <3 their the best. Shadow and Jeff are uber-cool.
So yeah eh. I went though all my old journals and drawing pads and old poems/short stories/songs and I came across a letter. I wrote the letter last summer. What blew me away about the letter was how I felt and expressed and how fast i wrote it. I only wrote the letter in 15 minutes and it was 3 pages long. It really made me think. Was I going too kill myself because the guy I loved dumped me and I felt bad or did I just add it to my list of things. I mean I thought about killing myself for almost a year. Than that day came up and it came across my mind why not just do it. How could anything get worse. Heh life is funny.
But the band is using the letter as the "intro" for the c.d. I was just shocked at how much I changed, I don't do half the "bad" things I used too. I stopped drugs. I stopped cutting. I won't consider myself happy. But I'm better, does anyone understand that? Most likely not. ::sigh::
On a good note. I got all the classes I wanted ::dances::
- Study and org. skills
- Teen Living
- Intro to theatre
Than the basic classes. YAY.
Welll I'm going to go watch t.v and read. So yeah peace.
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| So let's talk about "friends" |
[23 Aug 2006|06:49pm] |
Friends. I always thought friends where the people you love and care about. Friends I always thought where the people who are supposed to have your back and be cool and shit. I'm getting alot of people who want to be "friends" . It's dumb. These people don't know me. They're not friends they're groupies. They only want to be friends because the band is making a c.d Those people didn't support the music from the start some of them have never even seen us play or even heard a single song. I'm disgusted, the only reason they even know theres a c.d out. Is because Jeff (bass players) Xanga andmyspace. These people have the nerve too say "Oh yeah I love your music" They don't. Cos they've never even heard it. Wtf if that shit. Theres people asking me to thank them on the c.d HA how bout no. Errrrrr. I am so tired of it. Now i'd be fine with em and happy too give them a copy of the cd ect. if they actully liked and cared about the music. ARGH.
People keep asking for a free copy of the c.d and shit, Uh how bout no. Howabout they actully come to our shows (We play in Pittsburgh + N.J) and buy their own damn c.d.
People keeep asking me too hook them up with people.
People I don't even know are saying that they're my friends. What the hell. ::sighs::
Pathetic. Why can't people just grow up. I know I sound like a stuck up bitch but Jeeeeez what's so hard about being honest some of these people used to be the people who made fun of me ect. Now they're on my ass about how much "they love my music." >.< It's just uncool on so many levels.
Ok I'm done being a cunt. ::sighs again:: I don't think anyone is understanding where I'm coming from.
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| The more drinks that I down the "realer" that I feel. |
[11 Aug 2006|11:28am] |
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 sleepy |
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my phone ringing |
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Mayhem I tell you. That's what my life is. There is no order anymore.
::sigh:: I moved my furniture and it looks much MUCH better in my room now. It doesn't look so small. brrrrr it's freeeeeezing in my house. And I'm home alone again : ] YAY. Oh yeah I'm home alone pretty much everyday all day. Pooh. Hmmmmm..... gawr.
I'm bord. Oh snap. I filled out job appppps.
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| woahh woahhh an update. |
[09 Aug 2006|01:35pm] |
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creative |
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murderdolls. |
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Oh shiiiit. Things are crazy.
Lately everything is nuts. Yesterday was a little too nuts. More nuts than normal....I got alot of odd hugs and there was alot of crying. Shit. I hate being in the middle and trying to defend people. I seem to always gotta defend the one everyone thinks is bad. The people aren't bad they just got shit on their plates. ya dig? you don't.
I'm lost. My head hurts again. Pooooopy. It's been hurting alot lately. But I am a t-u-f-f cookie bitches so i can handle it. I'm just tired of when everyone else has a problem I get put etheir in the middle or everyone depends on me too fix it. I hate August. So anywhore good news I've saved up alottttta money from working a very very low profile job but whatever I can quit the shitty job cos I got enough for what I want and I can try to get a better job : ] I hate working.
I might apply or shoprite in a couple of months. Poooooh, shit. it's only like 4 more months til' my birrrrrthday yo. Now I'm legal age for shoprite and giant ect. what sucks is I'll most likely get hired get fucked over. As normal.
but whatever I have important things too save for. Not c.d's, or lip gloss and body glitter. Real important things. Only fuckface knows what I'm talking about.
and I like it that way : ]
So yeah I'm thinking about moving my furniture again. Ick. I'm too tired today but yeah.
I want too move it. So yeah, I'm out this is just a random update too make Shadow happy.
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| This isn't the sickness it's the cure : ] |
[08 Aug 2006|10:54am] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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blaze |
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Well sad news too reports kids. Rachaels dog obi died. : [
That's makes me sad since I liked obi. Poopy.
Nothing is really going on just a normal boring summer but I must admit it's not that bad of a summer....it could be worse. So yeah anywhore, danille is a cunt and should kill herself for the sake of living things everywhere. Rahhhhh there really is nothing to update about so I'll just leave with some weird thingy.
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[03 Aug 2006|12:59pm] |
These things are over rated
Yeah that's right over rated. Sluts. Ok anywhore I think I threw away my cell phone....bugger. Oh well I can live without it. HEhehehe. Sara = HYPER!!!!!!
poopy.
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| Fuck is my bestfriend : ] |
[02 Aug 2006|03:22pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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music |
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dark lotus :] |
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he brings me taco bell with blue mountin dew late at night : ]
Today was my last day of summer school. Bleh now I can sleep in
again. Rad. So yeah today I grabbed the milk.... and then I noticed a weird odor....so I smelled the milk.....than I threw-up. Icky. I'll make fuckface smell it later : ]
I'm mean. Oh well it happens. Today is boring I think it's wednesday. Ick.
I'm bord.
Sara is wearing her Twiztid shirt. Oh yeah found all my Psychopathic shirts last
night than I wondered why I packed em away. Heh well who cares I found em all
that noticed half of them wear a size Large and XL. But most of em shrank hehe.
SOOPA VILLIANS! woot woot : ] now I'm happy ish. I'm hungry but yeah theres nothing to eat eww. I could eat the sour milk and pretend it's Yogurt, hmmm.... no.
I need chap stick. Fucking chapped lips. Icky.
.....theres a bug on the computer screen which makes me wonder...why the fuck are bugs attracted too light!?!?!?!?
Hehehehehe my cat killed it. ::pets cat:: Yay. I have way too much energy but nothing to do with it. ::hops around house:: Oh yeah I shall mention this just because it's funny and cool my undies match my cloths. Isn't that fucking awsome.
Wellfuck you all I think it's pretty fresh. Wow I just babble about aton of useless shit in this journal. Did I already mention I'm hungry. I want blue mountin dew. They don't have it at 7-11 so i had to go with coffee..... and a bagle. Yumm. I think it annoys my mom that I drink mountin dew first thing in the morning. : ] rawr. My sister told me mountin dew lowers sperm count or something like that...but being I'm not a man....and I don't have a penis....So I don't care. It doesn't effect me. meh. I'm bord.
>.< BLAH. I wanna go somewhere and eat something! sara = hungry. If my phone wasn't dying then well I'd go and order out but fuck it. Where would I order from.
Bugger, I'm hungry, hehehe. Maybe I should go rob the hoagie shack of all their hoagies. Hmmm Gregg smells like hoagies.... Eh.
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| Long rant |
[01 Aug 2006|04:13pm] |
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mood |
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 dirty |
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music |
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dark lotus |
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Sara is sad. I'm bord. I'm hungry. I think I need a shower. People keep calling but I'm not answering and it feels wrong because they are my friends but I'm not in a "talking" mood. I'm more of a scream into a pillow mood.
Anybody ever meet somebody who ruined their life?
I did and it sucks.
Talk about stalkers eh?
This kid is such a poopstick.
I made the dumb mistake of waisting almost 2 years of my life
trying too help him.
And I'm sick of trying being asked for "another chance"
I'm sick of trying too help him get clean and stay outta jail and in
the end I'm one who gets fucked over and lied about >.<
It's fucked up.
It's messed up too talk so much shit about the person who
gave you a place too sleep, gave you money fed you and ect.
It's fucked up this person claims too have fucked me.
Sorry no.
I wish the worst upon this person.
I wish he would anal raped with a knife.
I wish him the worst.
I hope his life is as miserable as mine ::slaps self:: that sounded
emo. Besides my life isn't that bad until he comes around it's fine for a couple
months than he gets out of jail and we're back to the following the calling and
the "I'm sorrys" I don't want to hear "I'm sorry" anymore because I'm sorry doesn't
work anymore.
The police useless. Parents no help. Friends no help at all.
It's worse and worse everytime and what am I supposed to do sit here.
I'm supposed to stay inside and wonder if it's safe for me to go outside.
Well fuck it I'm not doing it anymore.
I'm tired of letting this person controll my life.
I'm not a 100 pound 13 year old anymore.
I need to get a grip.
I need too start defending myself.
I need a back bone.
he can't hit me or control me anymore.
::sulks::
Well yeah enough sulking over nothing.
And I leave you with bleed Through lyrics : ]
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| Poopstick : ] |
[31 Jul 2006|06:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
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| [ |
music |
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freak on a leash - korn |
] |
Sara = happy.
I'm listening too good music chilling smelling some good ass food.
food = good.
Ick tommarow starts August.
I hate August everything bad happens in August.
Poopy.
Well I'm happy enough and hyped on coffee and good music ::grins::
Rawr.
Nothing too say.
Too hyper.
EPPPPPPPPPPPP
::dances around world 500 million times::
and I leave with song lyrics.
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| Woot woot. : ] |
[31 Jul 2006|02:47pm] |
woot woot.
my mom moved the computer.
Now I can stay online later, YAY.
YAY.
Yes that called for double yays.
Kkk I need tooo shower and my sister has too type shit.
RAWR.
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[31 Jul 2006|09:44am] |
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Life = boring.
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rottin_zombie's journal